The Words shared by My Father That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to open up between men, who often internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."